Wake Up In the Morning Feeling like …. shit.

Well WordPressers – ya almost lost me!

 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought – man I should really write a post today … but between being a lazy millennial and a busy pseudo-businesswoman… lets just say my free time consists of little other than Netflix, my couch and my cats.

Happy two weeks and two days into 2014!

So my goal for this year is not to lose 100 lbs, or a “new and improved” me… all I want is to feel healthy.

This is how my day goes now

1. wake up – ALWAYS tired

2. drink red bull (gratuitous amounts)

3. get ready (hair clothes makeup)

4. drive to work (drinking red bull, smoking cigarettes)

5. work – sit in front of computer, eating, drinking … MORE RED BULL, counting the minutes until i die (JUST KIDDING)

6. drive home from work (usually i don’t stop for another red bull, i think we’re up to about 4 at this point)

7. park myself on the couch

8. watch TOO much Vanderpump Rules and RHOBH

9. order in (typically pizza, Chinese or whatever will deliver to my fat ass)

10. watch more T.V

11. get serious FOMO at around 11 (fear of missing out)

12. finally go to sleep around 1:30

REPEAT.

 

So, as any 2 year old could see – the reason I don’t feel healthy is because I don’t LIVE  a healthy life style. The one problem I have with the “getting healthy” kick is that there are probably 103231326143614361435 ways to do said task.

Do I diet ? If so – weight watchers? south beach? my own diet? just eat less? try to figure out what “counting calories” is?

Do I exercise? Obviously yes but how? – gym membership (expensive), running/walking (this girl has a rack on her, so running it basically like getting punched in the face 1000 times), yoga (anyone who does yoga makes me hate myself), or I could always break out the copy of Carmen Electra’s stripperobics that my old roommate so kindly left behind.

One thing that is blatantly obvious is that I HAVE to stop drinking red bull, even sitting here at my desk with an 8.4 oz can staring back at me … I know I shouldn’t drink it, but I’m going to anyway.  It has absolutely stopped having its intended effect on me, for example – I am drank one at around 11:20 last night and was able to go to sleep.

So here is the question I pose to the wordpress world – what makes you FEEL HEALTHY??

Put your reading glasses on.

Hello!!!

Man – this past week has been intolerable. First off – Happy Fourth of July to everyone (yeah yeah, im 4 days late, I know). I’m gonna break with down by day because just too many things have happened.

So I’m pretty sure I posted about my schedule for last week and how I was scheduled for so many hours, called my boss and he took off a shift – OF course he doesn’t take off the dreaded Sunday but it was whatev’s.

Sunday – No work (from previous weeks schedule)

Monday – No work

Tuesday – work, only 4 people showed up. At my job, when there are a lot of dogs, typically there will be two people in each yard as opposed to one. Since it was the holiday week, we will filled to capacity every day … which mean 2 people needed to be in each yard. 2 (small) + 2 (big) = 4 employees in the yard…. now what do you supposed happened when only 4 people showed up for work? The rest of the work (feeding, cleaning the cages, bringing and taking out dogs) couldn’t get completed. AH just so frustrating but as I’m finding out, with min wage jobs like this… its about the paycheck not the quality of work you are putting in.

Wednesday – Work. Of course I’m scheduled with the woman who used to be a manager but got demoted and now feels she is too good to work with us peasants. What does that mean? Well she might as well not be there, we have to pick up her slack. Needless to say I came home exhausted and grumpy.

Thursday – FOURTH OF JULY! WOOOHOOO. No work! Sarah and I went to my parents for a day of swimming and catching up with my family. Almost the whole gang was there – cousins, aunts, family friends… it really was a good time. Granted, the food spread could have been better but you can’t expect that from the cuisinely challenged woman known as my step mother. Tony had to work all day, but I got to spend some very tired time with him that night.

Friday – Work & Paycheck. Now, I’m almost positive this a universal feeling – NOTHING feels worse than expecting to get one amount of money from a paycheck, and receiving substantially less. I’m not one of those people who particularly care about talking about income – I get the whole comparison thing that happens and the “i make more than you’s” but honestly I couldn’t care. At this point in my life, the amount of money I make has no correlation to the type of person I am, my potential or anything important. SO, I should mention that I am terrible at math – I never calculate the right amounts in my head – so I was guessing I’d get around $430-450 (thats take home – I have no idea what formula my head used to calculate the taxes that everyone dreads so much but apparently weren’t so bad for me) and I ended up getting around $340. WOMP WOMP.

For those of you who are, were, or know psychology majors, you may have heard of locus’ of control. Basically this concepts breaks people into two categories. Internal locus of control – essentially, things happen because of you, you believe you are the source of your problems, and equally the source of your success. External locus of control – essentially things happen to you, others are the source of your problem, but not always for your success. A common example of these locus’ occur when you receive a bad grade on a test. ILC’s would say “I didn’t study hard enough for this test” while ELC’s would say “The teacher hates me, and therefore I got a bad grade.” I am VERY MUCH an ILC – almost to a fault. I truly believe almost everything is some how my fault, and I have the catholic guilt to accompany it.

This is one of the first times I can remember where I solely blamed SOMEONE for this happening to me. I was convinced he cheated me out of hours, he was punishing me for not wanting more days… whatever his reason was … he stole from me. I cried for a while and then came to my senses and did the math (with a calculator) factoring in when we left early, and breaks and realized it was absolutely accurate. This would be the paycheck I would be receiving every two weeks for picking up dog poop. So lets say that’s when the discontent wheel started turning.

Saturday – Reeling from the teeny tiny paycheck I received, I decided that if I was going to get so little, I was going to work when I wanted (I imagine this is a generational mind frame – I think I’m called a MILLENNIAL).

Some characteristics of my generation –

  • we are impatient (TRUE)
  • short attention span (TRUE)
  • we don’t want to grow up (although I’d like to say FALSE …. it true)
  • we all believe we will be famous (with the invention of youtube, I’d say thats probably true)
  • but the best characteristic I’ve heard is that we don’t want to get jobs, we want to make our own jobs (ABSOLUTELY true) – I’ve exhibited this by creating a media manager position for my family company.

I decided that I would work 4 days a week, so I could get another job and make some real “paper”. I presented this idea to him, which he QUICKLY shot down. At this point I decided I was going to get another job. After speaking with my father, we decided that I wouldn’t quit until I got another job so I hit Craigslist and applied to everything I saw, and got an interview for Wednesday. I took a deep breath, and decided to go own working at least until Wednesday.

Sunday– I put on my big girl pants, and went into work facing an entire day shift. I hadn’t received my schedule the night before which I found to be odd. Of course my imagination ran away thinking I didn’t get my schedule because he was going to fire me, then my logical side convinced myself that he was busy and didn’t get a chance to send it. I was wrong. I walk in and there it is, a copy of the schedule hanging on the dry erase board … which means that someone had to receive the schedule to print it out and place it there. I look and my name, and instantly figure out why he didn’t send me a copy … its because he has scheduled me to work 7 days… all afternoon shifts. It was at that point that I knew without a doubt I was leaving this job, and it took everything in me not to just walk out at 6:20 and never look back. Luckily, unlike a lot of my generation I was taught manners and decided to wait until my shift was over, call and let him know I would no longer be working there. My finger nails (or lack of) explain just how nervous I was to make this phone call … I mean this was my first job, all I hear about is this economy and how hard it is to find a job, and the thought of having to ask my dad for money made me cringe, but I realized that for the past month I woke up dreading my job, dreading the day …. and I worked way too hard in college to put myself in that position in my life (call it millennial fever if you want, but that is something I truly believe) I spent 5 years, and a LOT of money on an education to ensure that I wouldn’t have to work at a job that makes me hate life.

So 11:00, end of shift comes around and this is it…. I have to do this or I’d be stuck with a 7 day shift (I know technically I should have given him two weeks notice, but considering my impending schedule, I couldn’t deal with 14 days of the worst shifts). I called him, it started off pretty civil … I explained that I would no longer be working at his company, but I very much appreciated the chance to work there. And then it got nasty, he asked if I would be giving him two weeks to find a replacement, and I said unfortunately I couldn’t, he said whatever … grunted … and hung up. It left a sour feeling in my stomach, and I spend much of yesterday in an anxiety ridden haze. For some odd reason I had a sinking feeling that I was going to get into some kind of trouble, I have no idea who would be doling out the punishment, but I felt like one was coming. I just keep repeating to myself – you aren’t the first person to quit your job, and you could have been MORE inconsiderate… For example – I’ve heard of people just not showing up, calling right before a shift…. I gave him almost a day to find a replacement, and a lot of people were looking for more hours.

That leads up to TODAY!

Monday – Woke up feeling good today! I slept until about 9, and didn’t wake up with a sense of dread for the oncoming day. I’m still not feeling great about jumping back into unemployment. This cleared a little while ago when I scheduled TWO interviews for this week. 1 on tuesday! 1 on wednesday! They are both for administrative assistant positions, which is something I can see myself really enjoying. I like interacting with people, organizing and helping others. I plan to do that until fingers crossed I get into graduate school. Also, one of my best friends is coming to visit this weekend, which I would have had to work during, and now I can spend time with her!!!

One common issue I had during this whole week was my dad. I am learning as I get older, he gets more distant …. and I’m not sure if its a combination of whats going on with him, or its just how he was treated when he was growing up. I just need his support sometimes, and he doesn’t understand that he can disagree with me, and support me at the same time. His opinion on this situation was that I should have waited to get another job before I quit my current one, which I agreed with to some extent. Unfortunately things didn’t play out that way, and he preferred to dwell on how I didn’t take his advice, instead of understanding why I did it, and supporting me as a person. A simple it’s going to be okay can really change a persons outlook, and sometimes I just need that from him but he doesn’t know how to give me that support. Luckily, both my mother and my step mother were incredibly supportive and both made me feel okay about the decision I made. I guess when one parent checks out, the other checks in. I just wish they would give me that schedule so i wouldn’t have to find out which parent has checked in the hard way.

I figure this post is long enough, you don’t need to meet anyone today. Tomorrow I’ll introduce you to another key player in the life of bbtwentysomething.

(I need to think of some witty sign off catch phrase – any advice is welcome!)