ANTI-VALENTINES DAY

HELLO WORDPRESS!

If there is one holiday I am systematically unenthusiastic about – its valentine’s day. “But BB, you have a boyfriend! why would you hate valentines day?!”. I’ve hated it since I was little, and I hate it now.

To start – I HATE the color red.

1. If you’re single – you are stuck listening, and thanks to social media, looking at how “wonderful” someones “baby” or “honey” was. NEWFLASH: if Valentines is  the only time you talk about how great your sweetie is  – he probably isn’t that great.

2. If you’re in a relationship – I don’t care what any girl says, its a competition. What your boyfriend does for you means nothing if it is not better than what your best friends boyfriend did for her. If you happen to be the lucky winner of this subconscious competition – great. If not – all of a sudden your sweet, wonderful boyfriend turns into a selfish, thoughtless jerk. I DO NOT ENVY MEN ON THIS HOLIDAY. 

3. If you are married – Valentines day is probably just another reason for you to get angry at your spouse for being forgetful. Let’s get real – if you are an actual adult (job, kids, bills, responsibilities) and you happen to remember Valentines day, or even bigger, manage to get a present for your spouse on valentines day – its a win in my book.

So, truthfully there is no good position to be in, on Valentines day. You deal with the stress and pressure of impressing your significant other (and many times, outshining their friends) for one singular day that will quickly be forgotten. Does anyone ever look back on life and say – wow remember that one really amazing valentines day?!

My boyfriend is a mediocre present giver to begin with – he is just uninspired by the idea of finding the perfect item for me, whereas I relish the challenge to think about what he likes at the point in time, narrow down something he would life, decide if its for pleasure or necessity and then make the purchase. He goes into the store – usually within 72 hours of the occasion, and thinks of any random thing I’ve mentioned (whether i want it or not) and grabs it. I made the terrible mistake of mentioning I enjoyed the children’s movie Cars – and for 5 years I received Cars-related gifts (when I said I liked the movie, I clearly should have said “I can tolerate this movie without wanting to rip out of my hair”). We have moved passed the Cars obsession, although his family will pepper in a few gag gifts at the holidays.

I have to admit – I have no idea what to get him for Valentines day, yet another reason I hate this holiday. There are about 4 widely accepted gifts for valentines day

1. Chocolate

2. Stuffed Animals – since he’s a MAN and not 6 1/2 years old, I think its obvious I should stay away from stuffed animals

3. Flowers – while my boyfriend really appreciates flowers, I think he’d be a little thrown off by me getting him flowers (plus the ones I got would probably be better than the ones he got me)

4. Sex stuff

So that leaves chocolate, and sex stuff – or a combo of the two. While I feel that chocolate is a pedestrian, easy-way-out kind of gift …. men don’t think that way. And it doesn’t matter what day it is – sex stuff always wins with my guy. The idea of a night that is shrouded in eroticism, with new “clothes” and  “toys” to play with … that’s the golden ticket.

I just want to make it through this stress-filled week with all my hair, and my sanity in tact. I’ll probably venture to Victoria Secret – where the only secret is how they can change $50 dollars for underwear that doesn’t cover anything…. and find something that will make me regret the fries I’m eating for lunch AND hate myself at the same time.

I’m sure there are 3,000 other reasons why I hate valentines day – but the one’s I’ve listed should get even the most romantic cupids to realize what a dumb holiday it is. Bah Lovebug!

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